Bringing Home Baby

I just gathered materials to work on our daughter’s scrapbook and am surrounded by pictures from the day she was born. Everything from that day has come flooding back.

Emma is a year and 5 months old and sometimes it is still strange to think that I am a mom.  I remember that moment the delivery/operating room; I didn’t think I would cry but I did.  When she took her first breath, and I knew she was here and okay, tears rolled down my cheeks as they continued to work on me. In that moment we became parents (even though sometimes I feel like we’re still just those 2 teenagers). 

My husband went to her immediately and stayed by her side. I will never forget the joy in his voice when her tiny little fingers closed around one of his. I will never forget when he brought her over and held her face next to mine, our beautiful, tiny girl.  
Over the next 3 days we bonded with her in the hospital and loved just staring at her. It felt even stranger when we left the hospital with her. I knew she was ours but, again, half the time I don’t feel like an adult. 

To this day, we still go into her room while she’s sleeping just to stare at her. We are so blessed to be parents and are grateful for our daughter. Being a parent is difficult and not without frustration or trying times, but at the end of each day I thank God for another day as her mom. For 12 years, I had read articles, heard form doctors, and told myself that I probably wouldn’t be able to have children. So now, not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate our blessing (literally and honestly). 

**I am gushing in this post, but it wasn’t all a breeze (is it ever with a newborn?). Our daughter had a rough start in this world - acid reflux and a milk-protein allergy meant a LOT of adjustments and medicines.**  

Starting a Family

Our pregnancy story

Back when I was pregnant, a friend told me I should write about my journey to and through pregnancy. Now that our daughter is nearly a year and a half old I’d say it’s time.  I may as well start at the beginning. 

If you know me or have read anything in this blog in the past you know I have Lupus (SLE) and Fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed at 16 and told I might not be able to have children; Scott & I had always known adoption might be the way we expand our family. 

We discovered a family member has a genetic clotting disorder during her pregnancy journey so I needed to be tested. In August of 2012 I began seeing a hematologist to get tested; I tested positive for the same clotting disorder plus 3 others. What this means is that I would need to self-administer daily blood thinner injections throughout my pregnancy.  My hematologist told me I would need to start them when we started trying to get pregnant as well, so I started on February 1, 2013.  

On May 30, 2013 I discovered a knot on my neck just below my jawbone (which turned out to be an enlarged lymph node) . My PCP referred me to an ENT, who I saw on June 10th. I had a CT on June 12th & a biopsy on June 17th. After 3 weeks of antibiotics the lymph node had not returned to normal size so the ENT scheduled surgery for July 16th.  With all of this going on I had to stop the blood thinner shots, especially before surgery so Scott & I decided we’d hold off on a baby until I was in the clear after surgery. 

However, God had another plan. Four days after surgery Scott was getting drinks at Sonic, and, since I had been limiting my caffeine intake, asked if I wanted a small or large Dr. Pepper. I took a pregnancy test to be on the safe side but told him to get me a large because there was NO WAY I could be pregnant. I went to throw the test away later and saw it had 2 lines… I was in shock.  I mean, for crying out loud I still had stitches in my neck! Slightly shaking, I walked into the living room and and told Scott I might be pregnant. He said “Really? Okay.”.  We were both afraid to get excited.  With all the things medically against us and Lupus patients are at a risk of miscarriage until 20 weeks, we weren’t all that confident.  Getting excited meant getting attached. **Warning: things are about to be detailed** Then that night I spotted, which I figured meant I was either having a miscarriage or my period. The next morning…nothing. No blood. To be sure, I wanted a GOOD pregnancy test (I’d been using test strips because the tests at the store are expensive!). 

Scott had a triathlon that morning so I went and cheered him on.  After, we ran to Target. Long story short (kind of) I was definitely pregnant. That’s when doctor appointments began. I had to see the following doctors on a regular basis: OB/GYN, Hematologist, Maternal-fetal specialist, & Rheumatologist. I used every sick/vacation day I had seeing doctors throughout my pregnancy. The shots began again immediately and continued until 6 weeks after our daughter was born, meaning I had to take the shots for a year and 3 months with only a 3 week break. My abdomen and back were black and blue with bruises and knots from the daily needles.  Thankfully in March of 2014 we had a healthy, beautiful little girl. I kept up with all doctors appointments and medications throughout the process.  We are so blessed and thankful to have our daughter.  Not a day goes by that we don’t appreciate this gift we have been given.

~ Believe it or not I could go into even more detail, but I was trying to keep this as short as possible. I’m mostly posting this for anyone who might be going through this or anyone with Lupus, Fibromyalgia, or clotting disorders who may need support. I have been fighting these chronic illnesses for 14 years now. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable speaking/writing about it but know how much it helps to know someone who has been through it.